I’m inspired by sad people on the internet
I’m inspired by sad people on the internet. For whatever reason, the YouTube algorithm has sent me down a rabbit hole of people making videos in the midst of some personal crisis. It varies between people who see their life as a failure, people who are lonely and don’t have any friends, people who hate the way they look, hate who they are and think no one should care about them.
There was one case of a man who made videos about not being physically attractive and being lonely. He ended up getting a comment from a woman who told him she thought he was actually kind of cute. They ended up getting married and it was a whole thing.
Not all of the people I saw had an ending that happy, but it does seem like many of them are doing better than they were at the time that they made their “breakdown” video. Many of them seemed to find comfort in the kind comments that people would leave them (yes, there are kind comments on YouTube; I was as surprised as you are).
I’m trying to click on less of these videos nowadays because I’m self conscious about the algorithm recommending me more and more like it. But I can’t help finding it fascinating when people put their innermost thoughts on the internet for people to see. And not just thoughts—their likenesses. I know the internet is a big place and if you don’t use your real name on a YouTube channel, you are kind of anonymous (but not actually so be careful out there people), but it is still scary to me that someone from my IRL life kids come across a video of mine and judge me for its content.
As I said in my first post, On being lonely, I did make a YouTube video. I published it under an anonymous channel and left up for about 12 hours. But I was just too worried about people recognizing me. I wish I was as brave as the YouTubers.
But part of it is that I find writing much more natural than talking to a camera. I just end up rambling and rambling and darting my eyes around nervously. I could probably get better at it—I’m a firm believer that you can get better at just about anything with practice. But I just don’t know if it’s for me. It does kind of feel like writing as a medium just isn’t capturing people the way it used to. I have absolutely no evidence of this, it’s just a feeling I have.
Anyway, I can obviously ramble in writing as well as on video.
I wish I was brave enough to put my real, whole self out there for the world to see. But until then, this tiny blog written by a secret piece of myself will have to do.
Until then I will be Arby.
BRB
Comment privately by emailing me at arby@letterboxes.org.